God Is My Autopilot

by Akrasis

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about

These songs were mostly conceived in the summer/fall of 2013. The lyrics were written between summer 2012 and summer 2013. Thanks for listening. on the off-chance that the free downloads run out, you can download it from soundcloud soundcloud.com/akrasis-music-1

credits

released 24 May 2014

Max Bowen raps and plays the guitar solo on 'prolegomena to no future'. Mark Mckee created the instrumentals and plays trumpet. Camille Dozier did the artwork and Laura Udelson rendered it in photoshop. Safari Al (Alex Kollman) raps on 'just friends'. Clavius Crates (Evan Haywood) raps on 'reality is my girlfriend'. Miles Serber mastered the project. Parker Hall programmed drums on 'reincarnation blues' and 'chet baker sings'. and shouts out to Miles Lamensky and Rory Ferreira.

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Track Name: liver
shedding potentialities like crash-test dummies/ fact check mummies/ whip-lash/ cryptic mismatch/ now my brains all runny/ stained my undies/ jerking off bemusedly/ hopefully my muse can't see/ cuz im trying to make it on the music scene/ lose this/ cinderella type sixth sense that the shoe fits/ barefoot type vulnerability only broken beer bottles can damage/ open wounds are my means of transport so i keep vodka in my jansport/ as a first and last resort/ drunk driving crashed the hope-pinned prototype/ pandora's bottle opened- ain't a twist-off/ hope persists at an artistic distance as long as im guzzling shit that makes me restless contemplating going wristless/ suicide as a cosmetic fetish/ prosthetic blemish/ david cronenberg comes to mind/ head blows up like 'scanners'/ my mom bought me a planner/ so i can be unemployed on time

mistook fish-hooks for axioms/ it's like catch and release: immediate suffocation at the moment of supposed transcendence/ searching for semblance/ in emotional idioms/ but the order's hidden/ i can only access it when im hiding/ under a table/ life has meaning when i hold it at a distance/ hands quivering i should drink/ less

i am a liver, filtering out poison- so the greater organism stays intoxicated.
Track Name: like antennas to heaven
relish that loneliness/ hold up a boney fist/ like a lightning rod/ like fight the power/ but also lord/ im begging to be smoted/ fighting gods/ futile/ whether or not he exists/ suck my sugar-coated throat/ im begging to be smitten/ call the porno fire department/ my sex kittens/ up a tree/ woe is me / the displaced subject of poetry

we're all in this together/ i mean that in the blankest sense possible/ the recognition shared by former friends who meet again in a mental hospital/ fossilized mollusks with lotsa gills/ memorys like an imprint in something else: a sense of something lost/ maybe under wraps/ im sucking sap/ out of a tree amidst the thunder-claps/ if lightning strikes/ death will be sweet and anonymous/ the tree and i will fall and i won't hear a thing/ violent silence, that unheard, teeming silence/ dew trickles across my corpse gleaming in defiance

greeting the new day with the stench of decay
Track Name: intrinsic erasure
the day to day is paper thick/ thinner actually at the gas station with the scratch and sniff: smells like an impasse/ it's fun to lose the lottery/ feeling like an unburnt effigy/ like an unburnt effigy/ light a match and set me free/ defacements the finality/ buy tickets to watch me/ erase my masterpiece/ painstakingly/ blank pages with/ traces of/ perhaps/ a fall from greatness get/ drunk and formulate this/ redundancy theory/ over and over/ im too careful totaled my car cuz i looked over my shoulder/ 'thank god i have good insurance' i said later while crying for other reasons/ agent of entropy left a 5% tip cuz the steak was under-seasoned

struggle to hear me rephrase my redundancy theory/ im never leaving the basement/ watch the meteorologist strictly for entertainment/ live inside a metaphor until it collapses/ he flaps his/ wings/ boy are my arms tired/ punchlines meet fates more silent than crickets/ flick the/ cigarette ash into the subwoofer and watch it dance to the tv figureheads chants/ om mani padme ipad ihome dry hump some fried lumps i bought from ihop/ im off topic/ did you say 'universal language' or 'universal anguish'?/ catch me watching march of the penguins while the maids complain in spainglish
Track Name: just friends feat. Safari Al
(al)

latch-key kid searching for a wacky tabbacy imaginary lackey/ ghosts of ecstasy sneak through the locksmith's fact-sheet

(al)

seduction and defeat/ reductio method/ absurdums kinda rampant/ dag nabbit/ positing the future/ explaining away the past/ got a diary full of apologies and graphs

(al)

skins too thin, well, it's tracing paper/ got a pack of stencils and colored pencils/ trying to reproduce my/ insides on my outsides/ if you embraced me later the ink might smudge, what if im just a waste of paper

(al)

treacherous stasis/ fated to become fateless/ waiting to become weightless/ trade a/ handful of sand/ for a handful of cum/ that staggeringly dumb ghost in the iron lung
Track Name: chet baker sings
whirling dervish prowling phantom planet's surface/ trying to avoid the nervous/ and the anxious/ trying to remain blameless/ and therefore thankless/ and therefore worthless/ and therefore it doesn't matter that you heard this/ attempt to rekindle the magic of our first, second and third kiss/ the difference between prophetic and pathetic is only a few letters/ the difference between my enemies and me isnt much better/ touch feathers/ of the minerva owl/ making her nightly flight into satan's bowels/ you can come along but bring a towel
Track Name: reincarnation blues
political emancipation feeds on social alienation/ and loneliness breeds irrelevancy because celibacy is relatively/ holy/ relative only/ to the soft smile of satan/ which gospel you follow dictates which line you wait in/ when you reach the end get referred to another department/ the human organism can only take so much/ starkness/ bureaucracy is endless/ existence precedes essence/ so my being here is senseless/ but depression begs me to ask questions which heighten the tension between/ hegelian variables/ philosophy as personal pathology/ which is the roots of teleology/ which is the root of my longing for love and death/ which i forget about promptly when confronted with love or death/ pamphleteers and prophets keep up their crazy pace/ but after all we're 'bodies in original space, waiting for the shot to sound'/ delillo's got this down/ moses herzog, patron saint of redemption/ if somethings fucked then it's too fucked to mention

the pain disappears once you actualize/ facts once implanted morph into factual lies/ once the fax machine dies i'll buy a new one at officemax/ its a miracle i can still play the role even though my soul fell through all the cracks/ cat/ when it comes to curiosity/ nine lives: something like the false eternity of limited reincarnation/ diminishing returns of revelations/ wishing on stars that died a while ago/ but i still catch their light at this rest stop in bumfuck idaho/ dumb fuck, i dont know/ abysses keep my interest in a transgressive way, in a silent way/ miles davis plays the silence

caught a heap of corpses out the corner of my eye/ every moment i spend casually remorseless my life grows more distorted
Track Name: brain-dead megaphone
good evening, im an agent of inarticulate sadness/ here to muddle the situation trying to make these struggles feel elaborate/ sparring w donnie darko rabbits/ marco polo blind lead blind lose control-o/ want to open my eyes, not to cheat, but to sneak a peek at a pair of swimsuit season teats/ dont see a future in higher learning but feel a duty to heat the seats/ another disappointment sitting around waiting to be anointed/ by the god of slackers as this generation's samuel taylor coleridge/ sprinkle saltine crackers in my porridge/ cuz im an american and my one demand is/ blandness/ woody guthrie, man, this/ land is not arable/ post 9-11 strangers in afghanistan hunting down arabs, still

hatred is self-hatred/ investigate humanity's worst crimes just to find im implcated/ but/ i wear my original sin with a shit-eating grin/ keep my shit turned up to ten until the cops come in
Track Name: reality is my girlfriend feat. Clavius Crates
(Clavius Crates)

fallin, fallin/ shes afraid of intimacy/ im afraid of missing a beat/ so im leafing through the autobiography of malcolm x/ refining my calculus of learned helplessness: trying to appear 'interesting'/ these sonnets are too autoerotic/ ass-fixated/ kissing your feet/ let me worship you/ hop in my foxhole please/ make me believe/ make believe/ i'll rake the leaves and you'll do the dishes/ give me that/ old time religion/ abort this unintended/ pregnant silence

i spit stillbirths/ and at night/ pilfer peace from the still earth
Track Name: reincarnation reprise
Since the universe became lawless I find solace worshipping this probabilistic obelisk/ in the tower of babel I was christened/ a deadbeat pretend novelist/ teeth tear apart red meat while the mind remains static/ alcoholic in the attic with a manuscript worthy of the maggots/ legs wobblin’ pants saggin/ thoughts so dirty you can’t even imagine/ I fashioned a magic wand out of unobserved sadness and chewing gum/ best minds of my generation were ruined, um/ by madness/ check the defenestration/ come crashing down into a demonstration protesting deforestation/ post-modern/pretentious/ so close yet so far the truth is mere inches/ it doesn’t really matter/ the smaller the distance the sadder the rapper/ the more real the disappointment/ the murkier the psychiatrist’s ointment
Track Name: prolegomena to no future
fitting in pretty well cuz im wearing camouflage/ trying to decide between love and self-sabotage/ brains legislating amidst the rabid dogs/ im in prison trying to establish laws/ the internet told me that thats called love/ im on the internet because i dont know how to love/ reading the wikipedia page for love/ porn in another tab/ i stutter, bad/ chasm grand like the canyon not my mothers dad/ torrenting six jim jarmusch movies/ hunched over the laptop like/ moth toward light/ this soft core life/ is somewhere between sophomore slump and senioritis/ the worlds a stage and backlit screens can distract the actors/ 2013 relaxed disasters/ watching buildings smolder on my iphone 4/ then get a text from her saying 'i love you more'
Track Name: nothing but a youthful death could tear us apart
Dad chased ambulances/ I chase hearses/ funerals can be surprising too/ broaden yr horizons dude/ her eyes met mine and…/ nevermind I cant describe it/ love’s a beautiful stranger/ wait fuck that/ uncertainty’s a dutiful ranger/ sorry I only fuck muskrats/ muckracking rapping documenting inner scrimmages/ I come to from convulsions and hear slow clapping//// Dad chased ambulances/ I chase hearses/ counting blessings sure but I got these gypsy curses/ out the corner of my eye I saw satan, he winked and/ said death isn’t real, only extinction/ the devil’s lost in thought/ so I’ll throw pebbles into ponds until he comes to some conclusions

treat me like jains/ sweeping ants out of their path/ i'll go insane trying to figure out how insignificant i am

time waits for no man/ examining a fractal/ im hurling beer cans out of my back pack riding a fucking pterodactyl/ like focus group ideas, they 'bounce off' the mortals/ im in bed curled up so fetal to fit back through the portal

Dance with me, misanthropy/ got a stash of phantoms that don’t show up on the balance sheet/ Richie valens plummets to the next life like a crow with itchy talons/ can’t scratch it/ im just a black kid who raps bad/ im just a white kid who hates life/ this is a great life/ but I’ve got stage-fright/ im sweatin through my costume off stage right/ what a grave sight/ you won’t see me at my grave site/ I missed my cue/ I shit my pants/ Shellshocked kid hopefully someday ill be the shell of a man/ between writing sessions im fighting obsessions/ it’s the cold war, bitch, the grocery store small talk makin sure my bomb shelters well stocked/ populist anxieties, reasons to cry at night/ the more inexplicable the more inextricable/ I want to ignore mushroom clouds while kissing you/ I have e. t. wrists/ exsqueeze me miss/ im being obtuse/ its not a ruse im just confused

Old conundrum/ can’t bloody my wrists with occam’s razor/ can’t dumb down the humdrum/ numbness has its own excellence, as Aristotle might tweet/ grinning behind the smokescreen of defeat/ Merriam webster’s two definitions of conceit/